war

Here i am hanging aroung for you.
You promise me the world if i promise you.
You pushed me away and i wanted to hold on,
until i saw the dameage you had done.

so take back you promises, bribes,and guilt.
I want nothing of you or your "love".
That love that always feels more cruel than tough.
The love that made me tough.

My skin like hide and my heart like steel.
i am no longer a little girl but a soldier.
I fight agianst your cause,
your cause to make true love look like the work of the Devil.

I am the strength, the power, and the will,
I am the backbone, the bricks, and the foundation,
I am the beauty, the grace, and the love.
I am the one.


I am the one who will turn the tides of the war,
but for now celebrate your victory,
because all you have won is the battle.


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Sugar and Spice

   I hold my breath and listen carefully,
 his voice is warm and kind it calls to us,
eyes cold and stealy as he looks at me,
don't forget what he constantly tells us.

Shivers run down my spine as he's speaking,
fearing him is what keeps us in our line,
he knows our weaknes and keeps us crying,
punishment whenever one of us whine.

He forces us to be strong yet be kind,
respect the tough and pity all the weak,
secrets that we hide and can't let him find,
we are gentle and sweet can't let him peek.

Beacause we are made of sugar and spice.
We have to act like we're all sweet and nice.

    
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Give

Give and give all my love
Take and take all my love
Now there's nothing left at all
But you keep on taking
Taking more and more

I have nothing left to give
but my soul and yet you take that too.
See nothing more of me
See it all inside you
Open your mouth open wide
 and see inside your stomach
and see my life

I see only demons in the dark
You took my sanity
And left me there to bleed out in a gutter.
I always gave to you what i valued
Always kept you happy while i suffered
See my empty corpse there's nothing left of me now.

believe in the worst because i'm there now
i've hit rock bottom
and my only light is a needle and a bottle


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can anyone hear my cries
can anyone see my tears
can anyone speak my name
can anyone taste my fear

i'm all alone in this
i can't stand it any longer
i am falling into your arms i hope you catch me
i'm not just some girl

you will find someday all you have left behind
so taste my tears
and feel my fears
they are all i have

i am just what you would call an ordinary jumper
i leap and soar across the starry night
hoping that the clouds withh catch me
i'm not just some girl

i'm tho one who he will leave behind
the one you will someday find
i'm may be falling into your arms tonight but don't blink
you might just miss me in the morning

i fade into the night like a whisper.
no one hears my cries
no one sees my tears
 no one speaks my name
 no one tastes my fear



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i fall down, and you pick me
but now where have you gone
i see the darkness enveloping me
i see my old home so far and cold

how was i supposed to learn
how was i supposed to know
you never told me where you were going
now i lost my one and only

so watch me as i let you go
no more love in my heart
no room for more than one
and i'm the only one

one damage too many
this heartbreak driving me to insanity
can't you see i'm broken down
where are you to pick me up now?

i thought we had a deal

i fall down you pick me up
i cry and you dry the tears
i fear and bury my fears
so where are you to protect me now?

the darkness is closing in
i can see my old home so far and cold
so watch me turn to stone
watch me fall apart as a monument to you and the damage you have done.

one damage too may this
 heartbreak is driving me to insanity
can't you see i'm broken down
where are you to pick me up now?


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can't you see it was all a lie
i couldn't ever fall in love
look at me i could die
i don't mate for life i'm no dove

i'm a loner like the lone star state
above and beyond and all that bullshit
can't you see i don't have a fate
i don't even have a future this is it

this is all i'll ever be
a liar and a cheater
i am as weak as i'll ever be
put on a brave front to go farther than before

i'm broken down no one to help me out
i pushed them all away
doesn't matter they found me out
the charade is over i never found my way

lost in this life of mine i keep writing
keep it going gotta keep that smile showing
hide the tears behind my mask keep on hiking
hide my pain i'll get through the rest don't worry i'm going

i won't be the one to bring you down
won't be there to even fake it
once i'm done that's it game thrown
on my own the gold is what you make of it

can't see my way out


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future

I'm drownin' the water is swallows me whole like a snake and a rat
i'm like shit oh damn i can't breath it's suffocating me
can't you see i'm dying i don't know where i'm at
all i want is for you to leave me be i just wanna be free

 free of this life that holds me inside your safe little arms
i want danger and danger knows it
it calls to me it wants to do me harm
i want to give in let danger have at it.

i'm not that sweet little girl you grew up with anymore  big sister
i'm the new badass on the block and i'm ready to prove it
so bring it on i got myself as an army with all the strength i can muster
so get ready to fight so i can be done with you and toss your lifeless body in the pit

toss you out like all the other trash smokin dope and drinkin til your drunk.
gotta say i expected more from you well guess what i didn't so who gives a fuck?
here i come now watch me go i don't have time for a pukin punk
i have better things to do than get messed up who woulda thunk?

i got me the baddest car on rodeo
the nicest house in malibu
suprises me to remember growing up at the clovis rodeo
living off of caribou lou

i got myself a new set of so called friends
i know where i've been but i don't know where i'm going
so blinded by the fact the this world is full of dead ends
i've been living with myself in a destructive way of going

 going about my busines like nobody else
always sticking your nose where it often shouldn't go.
your gonna end up on the sidewalk having your body outlined in chalk by somebody else
i just gotta see the look on your face when you see that barrel and watch it go
BOOM

just like your impending doom,
don't step on my toes you'll regret
belive me they all do.


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fall

Copyright

  You keep falling down well i hope you don't get up.
Fall down  bitch i pushed you down now stay there.
i don't want you up, up above me so you can push me down over and over,
Can't you see i climbed to the top to be bigger than you.

  i pulled them all off the ladder and laughed as fell down  into the holes we all dig ourselves.
so tell me bitch how deep is yours?
 i bet it's deeper than purgatory got that hells fire climbing up your legs.
well guess what bitch i'm at the top, and still reachin for heaven
just goes to show it doesn't matter how high you go you still can't be on top.

 
So stay down and listen to these lyrics as i scream them at the top of my lungs.
i don't care if i sound like shit your gonna listen til i'm blue in the face and stop breathin' cause that's when i'll stop
not til i die. so until you see me six feet under watch and listen carefully cause it's your life on the line not mine.

you keep fallin down well i hope you don't get up.
 fall down bitch i pushed you down now stay there.
 i don't want you up, up above so you can push me down over and over,
can't you see i climbed to the top to be bigger than you.

It's survival of the fittest and i'm the most fit.
trimmed up and ready, fight or flight motherf*cker so you better take flight before i start this fight
 there won't be nothin left of you when i'm through.
 so eat shit and kick rocks cause you know this song f*ckin rocks.

your mom may be dissapointed but my dad's ashamed.
thinks his little girl so sweet playing a sad song on her piano
wait til you hear my lyrics daddy their gonna make you cry.
my heart's bleeding daddy and it's all your fault.
i climbed to the top for you and i threw tham all in their holes where thay belong

but i got one more life to take
one more that pushed me down over and over

you keep falloin down well i hope you don't get up
fall down bitch i pushed you down now stay there
i don't want you up, up above so you can push me down over and over
can't you see i climbed to the top to be bigger than you.

so daddy close your eyes and get ready to fall.
 you have pushed me once and for all.

Forever

                                                 Forever

So i will always keep it forever,
until it is lost in fire and brimstone,
the passion won't fall in the never,
until it is turned into stealy stone.

Luckily there's foreverafter,
sadly there is always the fact of death,
is there to say there will not be an after,
it is always taken by your last breath.

Frosty and cold is forever alone,
a lie in which by we are all decieved,
there is no hope in love i am alone,
but i knew what was to be recieved.

Reality is death, fire, and goodbye.
So this i say to love alone, goodbye.




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Change

    I see it as something that is inevitable, i see it as something that haunts us through everything.
Change, it has a way of coming into our lives and turning it all upside down. We get to that bend in the road and wish we didn't have to take it. Because we know what is beyond that unwanted turn...Change.
  
    Some see it as a way to escape their past, so they constantly change. But if you constantly change, aren't you staying exactly where you have always been? Rounding on a new turn anticipating that next change? Too afraid to stay on the straight away, fearing what you can see ahead of you.

   Some see it and fear it, but they don't really understand it. They fear the unknown and their inability to control the outcome of completing the turn. They are set in their ways to the point where they are blinded by fear that comes with the change, the momentary sensation of insecurity and instability.

   I see it as a burden that holds me hostage, like an annoying neighbor change is always knocking on my door. It stalks my nightmares. Change has been my enemy for so long that it is almost like we have somehow become allies. I no longer fight it, and in return it no longer drains me of energy, although at times i can feel it feeding off of my sadness and fear, feeding into the depression and fatigue. I am no longer suprised that when i come around one bend i am immediatly confronted with another. seemingly going in circles in a hopeless charade of death, divorce, and moves. All of these thingsare tiny inconsequential differences in my life that i have been forced to overcome, and i have.
  
 Change has molded habits in me that show the psychological damages that it imposes when exposed to the insecurity and instabilty for long durations of time. Such as anxiety of being alone and paranoia of the dark, or better put what is in the dark. You can't see the the bend in the road in the dark which forces us to hesitate at simple decisions that could lead to change. Even if it is as simple of an ice cream flavor.

  Many are unaware of these psychological changes, but  once examined closer, it is seen as a simple case of fear of the unknown and the truth that lies within it.